The one thing you can’t buy and MUST have at your wedding

I recently ventured down to southern California to celebrate my cousin’s wedding. 

Yes, I am one of THOSE people who take pictures out the plane window.

As a wedding designer, you would think I would have taken a million photos of the wedding decor to share with you…

Ironically, I took exactly ZERO photos of the wedding design. Wait! I found one photo of the decor (see below). So while I completely failed at capturing the design of the wedding and I can’t quite show you what the wedding looked like, I can tell you what it felt like. 

My one photo of the wedding decor

I walked away from this wedding full of so much joy, that it got me thinking about how the experience of a wedding and the feeling created by a wedding means so much more than a wedding  color palette ever will. 

My mom, sister, I pre-wedding day rain showers

The thing is you can plan and plan and plan some more, curating every last design detail of your event, but if you guests walk away with a lackluster experience then what does it matter if the satin ribbons on your reception chairs were tied a certain way?

What matters most is the feeling, the vibe, the experience your wedding creates. Sure, design can help bolster these things, but in order to do that you have to get REALLY clear on the kind of experience you want your guests to have at your wedding. How do you do that? Allow me to expand…

• Pick 3 words

• Write down 3 words you want your wedding to feel like or 3 emotions you want your guests to experience at your wedding

• Have your partner do the same thing and write down 3 words they want the wedding to feel like

• Come together to share your words, explain why you chose them, and work together to create a final list of 3 words you both agree on for your wedding

• As you make decisions on your wedding (from flowers to music at the reception), keep these 3 words in mind and make sure the decisions you make align with those key feelings you’re wanting for your event

• Connect

• There are a lot of ways to connect with your guests throughout your wedding, there were a couple things at my cousin’s wedding I really loved that provided connection

• Sharing “the why” of the location - the reception was held in my Aunt and Uncle’s house. It was shared in the reception speeches that it had been my cousin’s dream to get married in their backyard. I loved this subtle and sweet connection made to why the location was chosen.

• Introducing the wedding party - I have been to A LOT of weddings in my day and I think this is only the 2nd time I’ve seen a couple do this. During the reception the couple took time to introduce each member of the wedding party to all the attendees. Sharing short and sweet things about how they’ve known each other, where they met, etc. I love this idea and it helps guests better connect with who is at the wedding.

• Spend time “making the rounds” to each table. This is something fairly common at weddings and I feel guests appreciate the gesture. The wedding couple makes time (usually during dinner) to visit each table and talk to their guests. The trick is not to get stuck at any one table too long, otherwise you’ll spend the whole night chatting and it leaves little time for dancing.

• Personalize

• By personalize I don’t mean monogram your dinner napkins (though you can do that if you want), but really find ways to infuse your personality and interest into your event. Here’s a couple of ways I love to do this:

• Party favors - choose something that represents you both. Love cats and wine? Create custom cat wine charms for your guests to take home (yes, this is a thing and yes, I suggested this for a past client who loved cats and wine). Wild about nature? Send your guests home with a seedling packet or pine sapling (yes, I’ve done this too!).Want to go deeper? Pick a charity or cause you are both passionate about and have a QR code for donations to that charity in lieu of favors.

Loved this party favor from a previous styled shoot I did

• Centerpieces - One of my favorite (and most time consuming) pieces of my own wedding design was the centerpieces. Every table featured black and white photos related to the guests seated at that table. For some tables there were pictures of my spouse in his marching days, for other tables it was me in my cheerleading days. It was a great way to honor the moments in our lives shared with the people at that table and also created a great conversation piece for guests.

Centerpieces from my wedding

Each selection of photos was customized to those at that assigned table

These are just a few ideas to help get your wheels turning on how your wedding can go beyond good color coordination. This is really a moment in time to express who you are as a couple and as individuals, it’s an opportunity to connect with those you love, and it’s of course a time for joy and celebration.

The wedding I went to could have easily gone awry. It was cold, it rained, the reception was outside. An outdoor spring wedding comes with its risks. Despite the weather,  the experience was magic. We danced the night away in the rain with family, with friends, and with complete strangers - we were there for the same reason to celebrate in love. 

Dancing so fast we’re blurry

My mom and I (and one of my uncles in the background #photobomb) - all completely drenched by the end of the night from the rain (note I did not wear waterproof mascara - rookie mistake)

And even though I’m still recovering from getting sick (see previous point about dancing all night in the rain), the wedding was pure joy and that’s a feeling now amount of wedding design can buy.

Congratulations Heather + Daniel - I had a BLAST dancing in the rain with you!

The #1 Key Wedding Decision

Weddings require a lot of decision making…like A LOT. 

You make one decision about your venue and you feel pretty good about it, you feel accomplished. Then just as you go to let out a sigh of relief, 12 more wedding decisions pop up that require your immediate attention. If wedding planning was an arcade game, it would be whack-a-mole.

GIPHY

To make all the decisions easier, I like to encourage couples to start with the “key decisions” of their wedding. While I could chat all day about wedding color palettes, which is a decision that will need to be made eventually, it’s definitely not a “key decision”. By focusing on the key wedding decisions first, it will help create a solid foundation for you to design the rest of your wedding from.

I feel so strongly about this that the entire first module of my online Wedding Design 101 course is dedicated entirely to the five key wedding decisions that help set couples up for success with their wedding planning. 

Wedding Design 101 Course - Get on the waitlist now!

Today, I wanted to share the #1 Key Wedding Decision I would encourage you and your partner to make first. Are you ready to learn what this magical key decision is?

GIPHY

The #1 Key Wedding Decision is determining your wedding size (aka your estimated guest count). I know, I know, it’s not the most glamorous of the wedding decisions you’ll be making, but I promise you this one decision has a domino effect on all future decisions.

Knowing your wedding size will help you narrow down the scope of what’s possible for your wedding. Here are a couple of ways this key decision will help kick start other key decisions.

• Venue Selection - Knowing your estimated guest count, will help you narrow down which venues you want to consider. For example if you end up with an estimated guest count of 250, that quaint rose garden in the heart of the city will no longer be an option. Many online venue searches allow you to filter by wedding size and location. Knowing your wedding size can definitely help narrow down your list of venue options.

• Budget Range - Once you know your wedding size, you can start to get a better sense of your budget. Most caterers will have a per guest rate fee. In a 2022 study of wedding costs, couples paid an average of $75 per guest for catering (not this does not include the costs associated with an open bar). Let’s go with the $75 per guest average. If you know you’re having a wedding of 150 people, you could budget $11,250 (150 x $75) for catering costs. Did you just throw up a little? I know $11,000 is a small fortune. This is just an estimate based on averages. You should know my ENTIRE wedding cost less than half that catering bill. Take a breath. It’s going to be okay.

So how do you start getting an estimate of your wedding guest count? You and your partner will each need to make a list of who you want to invite to the wedding. It’s as easy as 1, 2, 3…

1. List all guests you consider “mandatory” ; these are the people you feel absolutely must be at your wedding (siblings, parents, etc.)

2. List all close friends and family members (cousins, best friends, roommates, etc.)

3. List any additional guests you want to invite, but wouldn’t be devastated if they didn’t make it (co-workers, friends from college, clients, etc.)

Once you and your fiancé each make your own lists separately, go through them together and remove/add anyone else you might think of. Then, total it up. If you end up with way more people than you wanted, remove the guests from list #3 and see what your total is then. Still too many? Remove guests from list #2. Do this until you feel you’re at a number that feels good for both of you.

Need a visual? Of course I have you covered! See here for an easy to use template to help make your 1-2-3 wedding guest list.

“When it comes to weddings, size definitely matters!”

— Gathered Here Designs

I promise if you take the time to prioritize making this key wedding decision first, it will make the rest of your planning so much easier!

Want to learn more about all the key wedding decisions? Get on the waitlist for my Wedding Design 101 course.

Join the Wedding Design 101 Course Waitlist

Have other wedding related things you need help with? Reach me directly at gatheredheredesigns@gmail.com!

Happy designing!

~Amanda Jean